


Sometimes change is good

by Heellen



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:08:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28523718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heellen/pseuds/Heellen
Summary: There are moments in life when changes are accepted as a sign of destiny. Maybe Jay and Hailey have come to a tipping point in their friendship and everything they dance around and need to see how the change will affect them.
Relationships: Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

# Sometimes change is good Chapter 1, a chicago pd fanfic | FanFiction

"Hey." Hailey leans against the wall blinking a few times.

She knows she's slightly tipsy tonight, the three rounds of drinks that Adam and Kevin had offered over dinner are starting to hit her.

Jay stares at her with an amused smile on his lips, leaning his shoulder against the wall. He towers over her despite her wearing heels and, Hailey notes with pleasure, the black shirt he's wearing that night makes something flutter in her stomach.

"Drunk, huh?"

"Nah. Just a little tipsy."

He smiles again and, suddenly, Hailey feels brave.

She leans against him placing a hand against his chest. It's a gesture she has found herself doing more often in recent months, but she still has a shiver run down her spine.

"You know. This shirt fits you very well."

"Yeah?"

She nods, again. And, again, she leans on him. His body is warm against her and, under her palm, his heart is beating fast.

"Hailey…" Jay pulls back slightly and she has to bend her face to be able to see his eyes.

"Jay." She teases him by letting a hand slide down his neck.

"Hailey, no. You are drunk."

"I'm not drunk, already told you." She snorts now, stretching her face towards him.

"Please, Jay…"

Her lips slide down his neck and Jay quivers against her.

He is warm and smells so good and he is everywhere around her. Her outlines may be blurred by alcohol, but Jay isn't. He is clear in front of her, against her, his skin warm against her lips.

"Hailey, no."

Jay grabs her by her shoulders and pulls her away from him. The lack of contact with his body hits her brutally. But it's his rejection that leaves her stunned for a moment.

Jay refused her, he doesn't want her.

Suddenly she's no longer tipsy. For the first time in a long time, things are clear to her.

"Oh sure. Yeah."

"No, Hailey. Wait. That's not what you think, I…"

She looks at him helplessly. He looks almost desperate, as if he's looking for words he can't find either.

"Don't worry. It's okay."

Hailey mutters a few words, confused and trembling, and she returns to the table from the rest of the unit.

"Hailey."

His voice calls her back from afar. But she doesn't want to hear him.

The sounds around her are muffled and she just wants to crawl into bed and push the pillow over her head.

She would like to forget humiliation and rejection. She would like to, but she can't. She just joins the conversation absently for the rest of the night.

She avoids Jay, his looks, his questions. She feels so brutally humiliated that she can't even meet his eyes.

Maybe she would break down and she would cry in front of everyone - and she can't afford it.

As soon as she can, she gets up and says goodbye to everyone. She wants to be able to leaves before Jay does, avoiding him seems to have become the main task of her entire existence.

Once she got home, she slips into bed almost naked, not having the strength to even put on her pajamas.

She is so tired of chasing after something that, obviously, does not exist. She had believed it, though. All those looks, their silences - she really believed there was something, between them.

She rests her head on the pillow and then, finally, she cries.

...

She arrived at the precinct early with the only desire to avoid Platt and consequent questions about her escape the previous night.

She succeeds and, with almost ridiculous joy, she realizes she's the first of the whole unit.

When she woke up that morning, she almost hoped to find a message from Jay, or a call from him, but honestly? She wasn't surprised at all by the absence of any sign from him. Jay was simply doing what he was best at when it came to himself: avoiding problems.

She gets to work almost immediately, burying her head in the pile of documents to fill out. She has always been meticulous, analyzing detail after detail, to the end of her strength. And this way of working for her often led her to stay late in the district or to accumulate incomplete documents.

"Hailey?"

Jay bangs his knuckles on her desk making her jump in amazement. She was so focused that she didn't even notice him coming.

"Can we…can we talk?" Jay leans towards her in a whisper.

"Maybe later, I really have to finish here."

Hailey smiles at him condescendingly but she sees regret flashing in his eyes. She lets the remorse slip into the farthest part of her brain and focuses back on her work.

She doesn't really want to face him, not yet. The burn from giving up on her is still too painful for her.

"Hailey. Please."

He still stays there, sitting on the edge of her desk looking at her, for some seconds. Then he sighs and walks away.

And she shudders because, at that precise moment, she wants to be back in her bed with her head hidden under her pillow.

...

The days pass in relative tranquility.

Things between her and Jay are weird, and they can't even pretend they aren't. They work every day one in front of the other, side by side and everything seems so right to her.

But the sharp break is evident when they are not concentrated in their work. The embarrassment that hovers between them manages to put the rest of the unit in difficulty.

They look at them as if they were aliens just landed on earth and it seems they don't even have the courage to intervene. They simply let them hover in their silence exchanging confused and worried glances.

Did Hailey think about asking to change partners? Yes, but she realized the absurdity of her thought. Not having Jay watch her back is definitely not something she could get used to. But most of all - and here's her biggest problem - she doesn't want anyone else to watch his back. She trusts them all, but it's Jay they're talking about and she knows him so well.

She knows the difference in his state of mind depending on whether he touches his neck or right ear. She knows what he tells her just by looking at her. She recognizes his emotions as they passed across his face.

How could she ever let someone else take care of him not knowing him so well?

But above all, how could she risk someone else learning to know him so well? She's selfish, stupidly selfish.

Hailey looks up at Jay peeking across their desks. He's focused on his documents, his eyes narrowed in two slits and the pen between his teeth. They haven't really spoken since that night. She avoided him in the nicest way possible and Jay - being just Jay - had just been the best partner in the world.

Maybe she hopes that night will fade from their memories, but she can't just forget the feel of his skin beneath her lips and his voice rejecting her - she can't.

Hailey would be a fool if she said she doesn't miss him - God, she misses him so much.

But maybe, stand all of this will prove to be best for both of us. If she repeats it every night of her by getting into bed, she could really be able to believe to that.

"Hailey? You with us? "

She bounces in her chair as Kim's hand passes over her face several times.

Jay's confused expression, who has found her staring at him, makes her curse under her breath for the lack of subtlety.

"Sorry, just zoned out for a sec."

"Tonight. Molly's. You, me, Brett and Stella."

"Hey, we're coming too." Adam grumbles as he rolls over with the chair next to them.

"Yeah, no. It's not an option. Do what you want, but not at our table."

Kim brushes him off before focusing on her, "Girls night, Hailey!"

She doesn't even expect an answer from Hailey, she just goes back to her desk as if nothing had happened.

Kim's enthusiasm is irresistible and she really hasn't been able to say no to her yet.

And maybe, after all, she doesn't mind going out with them tonight. She smiles shaking her head and, for the first time, she shakes off Jay's confused gaze as if she doesn't really care.

...

Hailey looks around her and finds that, despite what she had thought in her shower, she feels thrilled.

She didn't go out often with these girls, her nights almost always ended with the rest of the Intelligence and some of the 51 boys, not like that night.

Best of all, they don't really need to drink to have fun. Stella reminds her of Vanessa so much it almost hurts her, but it's so beautiful. She's beautiful, sunny and everything Hailey is not. Brett has this streak of insanity that she never ceases to amaze her. And Kim…well, it's just Kim.

They greet the boys from afar before leaving, when someone runs over her and her shirt is suddenly wet.

"Oh, c'mon…" She moans upset as she stupidly brushes the amber liquid from the shirt.

"Sorry! Gosh, I didn't see you and…Detective Upton?" The man who ran over her now looks at her and she has to lift her face to see him, "Yeah, it looked like you! I don't know if you remember. Court, cafes, stairs…"

"Oh, Ethan Cooper. I remember you." She shakes her head, still busy trying to dry herself as much as possible.

The memory of their clash on the court stairs is still quite vivid in her memories. He running over her like a train and his coffee poured over her. From hair to shirt, she was all dirty. She was late, she had to go back to the district but his eyes staring at her from the railing were too kind and sorry for her to scream.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. I mean, even for now…" He scratches his neck blushing, "Could I…uhm, buy you a drink? You know, just to apologize."

It sounds more like a grumble than an actual offer but still.

"Uhm, no, thanks. I'm with, you know, some friends and we're leaving, so…"

"Well, then, give me your number. I can call you tomorrow and...we could go out. Just a drink…"

"Just a drink?" She smirks.

She reaches out and, surprising even herself, she slips her business card into his hand. She smiles at him one last time before turning and leave Molly's.

Brett blocks her way just outside the door.

"Sorry, what did I just see?"

"Oh yes, I met him one day in court. He seems to enjoy throwing his drinks at me."

"No I mean, did you really agree to go out with him?"

"Uh, yeah? Shouldn't I have?" Hailey looks at the blonde in front of her not really understanding the point of her upset.

"Well, I thought…we all thought, actually, you and Jay…"

Hailey freezes staring at her with wide eyes.

"Me and Jay what?"

Brett and Stella look at Kim who, as soon as she feels Hailey's eyes on her, shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

"Me and Jay what?" She repeats taking a step towards them.

"Yeah, well…" Stella begins, "We all thought there was something…"

"Something." Hailey laughs bitterly, "There is nothing. It's late, goodnight."

She walks away from Molly's with quick steps, leaving her friends behind her and any thoughts about Jay.

If Jay wants her, then he should do something. But Jay doesn't do anything, he never does a damn thing, so her life will have to go on.

...

"So…" Kim sits on her desk, "Have you heard that guy?"

She nods with her gaze fixed on her computer. She has to analyze millions of phone records and doubts she will finish within the next two hours.

"And...?"

"We'll go on a date." She shrugs indifferently, as if the idea of going out with someone didn't seriously upset her.

"Oh Hailey, yes! When?"

"Tonight. Just a drink."

Kim's enthusiasm is interrupted by Kevin's voice swearing loudly behind them.

"Hell, man. You tore up off my report." Kevin jumps to his feet looking at the paper in Jay's hands, "If it sucked to you, you just had to say it. I have to reprint it, damn it…"

He continues to mutter, staring at the paper against the light and attracting the attention of all of them.

"Yeah, no. Sorry, man. The pen…and yes, I slipped." Jay snatches the paper from his hands, "You know what? I'll print it for you."

"What the hell is wrong with him? It took me two hours to write it…" Kevin moans again as he stares at the spot where Jay had disappeared with his report.

Adam shrugs, too concentrated trying to tidy his desk to really pay attention to all of them.

But then Kim turns around trying to hide her face and Hailey can see a small smile on her lips.

...

"So Hailey. Tell me something about you."

She smiles kindly at the man sitting in front of her.

"What can I say? I have a simple life, I studied law at the University of Chicago but joined the force eight years ago."

"Law? Really? We could have been colleagues!" Ethan laughs shaking his head.

"Uh, it's not really my thing…"

"Action girl?"

"You could say so, yes."

She likes Ethan, but talking about herself doesn't put her at ease, "Did you study here?"

Ethan stares at her for a few seconds in silence, "No, I'm from Detroit, but I studied at Penn State."

"Why did you choose Chicago?"

Ethan chuckles before replying, "For love, let's say so. It didn't go well, but still. I liked the city, I had a good job, so here I am."

They slip into a light and quiet conversation. Several times during the night, Hailey is surprised that she can be so comfortable with a guy she has recently met.

He is kind and funny and, while working in the law, he is not a cop. And it makes her strangely happy.

...

That night leads to going out for another drink which turns into another date over dinner that leads to another over breakfast. Soon enough they've gone out enough times for Hailey to recognize that they're dating.

Dating Ethan proves to be more fun than she expected and Hailey has to admit she found something in him that, honestly, it was so long she wasn't looking for anymore.

Ethan understands her job and doesn't judge her crazy shifts. He is kind and helpful and absolutely eager to meet the people she works with every day.

And that's exactly why she finds herself in front of Molly's, her heart racing in her chest and something very similar to regret.

She's been dating Ethan for a couple of weeks and things are going well between them.

They haven't given a name to what's between them, but by now everyone knows that they are dating. Well, Hailey remembers the moment they found out and, like that time, she doesn't know how to feel about it.

It's not like she's trying to hide that part of her life from them, she just didn't want to risk messing things up.

As long as Ethan is another part of her life, Jay is easier to handle. Jay and all that has been ruined between them.

When she almost kissed him, she didn't really think she could screw it up. But obviously it was possible. And now, weeks later, all they were has been wiped out.

They worked together, of course. And they still worked well. But it all stopped there.

She had cut him off after that night, and she had done nothing more to open up to him.

And he, overnight, had stopped recognizing her. He worked with her, but all too often she felt him away from her. His eyes darted everywhere, except in her direction.

They hadn't gone out drinking anymore - the two of them together.

She had stopped finding coffee on her desk and, the few times she had brought it to him - a sign of peace, maybe? - he had feigned an embarrassed smile, then let the coffee cool on the desk.

And she would lie if she said she doesn't miss him. But maybe, maybe it's a passing thing. That's what she loves to repeat to himself every time he sees him disappear without her.

"Hey, babe."

Ethan catches her from behind while she's still staring at the Molly's door. She's across the street, but she feels so intimidated that she's stuck there.

"Hey."

He leans over to her letting his lips slide over her. Hailey closes her eyes but her agitation seems to suffocate her.

"How did your day go?" He ask against her lips.

"Eh, you know. I saved the world as usual."

Ethan laughs with that full, loud laugh and his head raised to the sky.

"So tonight is the big night, right?"

She nods absently, her gaze still focused on the Molly sign.

"If you don't want to meet them, that's fine."

It's just an attempt, her own. And she knows it well.

"No. I'm happy to meet them! Let's go?" Ethan drags her to the door and she hates the tremor she feels in her legs. She knows she can't prevent him from meeting her friends but, really, she doesn't want to.

She hears Adam's laugh before she even sees them sitting at the table at the back of the room. Kevin leans on Jay's back who laughs.

Hailey freezes and looks at him from a distance. He looks happy and carefree, she hasn't seen him laugh like that in weeks - not with her, at least.

"Hi guys." She leans against the table with a smile on her face, "This is Ethan, I…I told you about him."

Hailey takes a quick tour of introduction trying to forget her furious heartbeat when Jay shakes Ethan's hand.

She shouldn't care, yet she noticed his indifference descending on his face like a mask. Despite everything, she knows him so well and his cold indifference in front of the man she's dating annoys her.

"Jay? Halstead, right? I remember seeing you in court a couple of times."

"I'm sorry, I can't say the same about you."

He's not friendly and Hailey suddenly wants to slap him. How dare he use that tone of sufficiency, he who is the first to hide from his own problems.

Jay sits back on his stool with his eyes away. He doesn't want to be friendly with Ethan and everyone seems to understand that.

Ethan connects well with them, from Adam and Kevin she would have expected nothing more than the friendly tone with which they include him in conversations, and then there is Kim who never stops taking an interest in him. The dazzling smile she continually gives him makes Hailey roll her eyes. She's so sneaky, Hailey giggles.

Jay shifts uncomfortably on the stool a couple of times before nervously getting up.

"Going to get a drink. Another round?"

Ethan waits for the order round to finish before he speaks, "For me a beer. Do you want some wine, Hailey?"

"Wine?" Jay snaps by raising an eyebrow.

"No, I…a beer for me too…"

Jay walks away laughing softly, "That's great."

The mockery is evident in every part of his face and she can't help herself and follows him.

"I'm helping him."

"I'll go, no problem." Kim touches her arm.

"Yeah, no." She denies with a smile before joining Jay just leaning against the counter.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Hailey." Jay weighs her in silence, the indifferent look she sees in his eyes is so different from the man - surely collected but so passionate about everything - that she knows.

He stares at her again, in silence. And she sighs heavily as she leans against the counter next to him.

"What's wrong with you, Jay? Can't you be happy for me?"

"Happy for you?"

For the first time, she sees a reaction in his eyes. It's amazement, immediately replaced by a sincere bitterness.

"Of course I'm happy for you, Hailey. You deserve the best. And I hope he's the best for you."

"This…isn't fair, Jay!"

He waits, still silent, always motionless, inviting her to an explanation that, in all honesty, he doesn't deserve but that she can't deny him.

"You are unfair. You are selfish! I thought we were friends."

"Friends?"

This time it's Jay who approaches her and she clenches her fists so as not to retreat, then continues.

"Friends don't stop talking. You cut me off, you didn't make me explain anything. I thought we were friends too, Hailey."

He hisses her name with a hint of poison she really didn't expect. They stare at each other in silence for a few seconds, the sounds of Molly's in the background seem to surround them and vanish at the same time.

"I'm leaving, Hailey. I won't be around for a while."

His words are like a cold shower for her.

Jay is abandoning her and she can't move.

"Where…what does that mean?"

"Anti Gang needed a support detective for a case. Voight assigned me. Maybe it'll be the best thing for both of us, right?"

He looks at her one last time, a bitter smile on his lips and touches her shoulder with his fingers. She leans towards him, she would like to say many things but her brain is empty.

Jay's leaving.

He has already given up on her once, she shouldn't be surprised he's doing it again. Still, the knowledge she no longer has Jay with her every day leaves her stunned.

"I really want the best for you, Hailey. I hope you to know that."

He looks at her one last time before turning his back on her and returning to the table from the rest of them.

The two of them have always found a way to talk, to clarify. But maybe, this time, a limit has been exceeded and there's no way turning back.

And the awareness that she has just lost her best friend digs a hole in her stomach. For years, Jay has been her greatest certainty, something stable and secure. But now, she was thrown into the middle of the storm by the one person who had always saved her.

...

"Do you want to come in?" Hailey lets her lips slide down Ethan's neck in a sigh.

"Really?"

She nods, too busy unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt. Damn, damn lawyer's shirt.

"I don't feel like saying no." She giggles at his words running her hands through his hair.

"You talk too much, lawyer."

It is an observation. And, honestly, a criticism too.

Hailey opens her front door and looks at him one last time over her shoulder. She drops her jacket to the floor and takes off her shirt by throwing it behind her. She no longer looks at him, but the sound of his footsteps echoes in the silence of her home and she sighs with satisfaction as she hears the door slam shut behind him.

His hands are all over her as she drags him into the bedroom.

And for the first time in weeks, she forces her mind to stop thinking.

He runs his hands down her back and she doesn't want to remember his freckles and his eyes.

Ethan undoes her bra letting it slide down her arms and she doesn't want to remember the warmth of his hands and the kindness of his face.

Ethan pushes her against the wall and his hand closes on her breast and she doesn't want to remember that tomorrow she'll go up to Intelligence and his desk will be stupidly tidy but he won't be there behind her, concentrating on the documents.

She squeezes her eyes tightly repeating that yes, Ethan is a good man and she likes him. That maybe, maybe he can be suitable for her.

She tells herself that maybe she can be able to love someone who is not her partner.

...

Hailey looks away from the camera lens to look at Adam. He has cleared his throat a hundred times in the last ten minutes and she's sure she could slit his throat just for some peace.

"You getting sick?"

"Oh, Hailey, hi." He giggles at her as he sits straighter in the seat.

She looks at him like she's looking at an alien. It was all morning he seemed nervous, staring at her out of the corner of his eye and smiling at her like a fool.

"What do you want, Adam?"

"Uhm", he chews the inside of his cheek and takes a quick glance at the empty street in front of them, "Did you hear anything about Jay?"

Among the many things she could have expected, this one really wasn't. Jay has been gone for exactly seventeen days - not that she really counted them - and his desk, always so pitifully empty, reminds her every moment of what had happened.

She hadn't heard much about what he was doing to Anti Gang. Platt had made fun of her by telling her that he had gone to the district to get some papers but she hadn't saw him.

"No."

"Ah well. I mean…" Adam looks at her sideways, "I actually know something."

"Good."

"Hailey…Did you know you could stop having a war? We would all live better."

"We aren't ... we arent' having a war!"

Adam waves a hand in her direction casually, before adjusting the camera lens to their suspect's window.

"Okay, alright! What have you discovered?"

Adam's triumphant smile makes her terribly nervous.

"He's doing really well to Anti Gang. He seems to manage that unit well. There are certain rumors about him."

"Oh." Hailey looks casually out the window.

She's not really surprised that Jay is doing well and, really, she wouldn't be surprised if he gets any job offers.

She's ripped out of her thoughts by the cell phone vibrating in her pocket. A message from Ethan shines on the screen and she lets her dinner bid be a welcome distraction from that bother morning.

...

"Hey! Give me my pizza!" Hailey laughs loudly as she stretches across the table.

Ethan walks away and she's forced to walk around the table to reach him.

"That was my last slice of pizza!"

"Okay, I plead guilty!" He raises his hands and drops the pizza on her plate.

"Detective, do you think you need to handcuff me?" Ethan slips his hands around her hips pulling her towards him. A knee wedged between her legs as his hands slide under the sweatshirt.

She likes Ethan, with every day that passes she realizes it more. She loves spending time with him and, day after day, she's getting used to his presence.

She still giggles letting her hands run through her blonde hair, "How was your day?"

Ethan moans as he lowers his head, "Crap. I have a new case…I really don't know. It's a mess."

"Oh, poor boy."

"If only there was someone who would give me a shoulder massage…"

Hailey moved behind him, slipping her hands under the collar of his shirt.

They fall into a comfortable silence broken by her light laughter when Hailey ends up tickling him.

"Uh, I almost forgot. Halstead, you worked with him, right?"

Hailey freezes, "Yeah. What about Halstead?"

"I've heard some rumors in court. It seems like they're looking for some new sergeants and his name may have been mentioned a few times."

"What?"

"Babe, you're pulling my hair. Hailey!"

Ethan struggles by turning in her chair to look at her.

"What do you mean new sergeants? Where did you hear it?"

"Rumors in court. I don't know, do you want me to ask?"

"No, I…" Hailey lets her arms dangle at her sides with a blank stare.

"Babe? You okay?"

"Yeah, I…" She shakes off the heaviness that had just descended on her, "I'm fine. Sorry. Do you want…uhm, do you want something else?"

She walks away from him leaning on the kitchen counter. She sees Ethan staring at her with a strange look, before shaking his head and walking away from her.

The now cold pizza forgotten in the middle of the table, the flickering kitchen lights cast soft shadows against the wall and Hailey left alone in the kitchen.

...

Her foot hits the ground nervously, her hands resting on the desk and her gaze fixed on her computer in front of her. She isn't focused on anything, and it's absolutely evident.

The fact that no one has the guts to call her on her own shit should make her doubt that maybe she might seem slightly threatening.

It's almost mid-morning when Voight's heavy footsteps finally approach his office and she can breathe a sigh of relief.

"Sarge, can I talk to you just a sec?"

"Come on. Close the door." Voight sits down and folds his hands on the desk, "Do you need something, Hailey?"

"I do."

She breathes slowly under Voight's scrutinizing gaze and, suddenly, asking him for some explanation no longer seems like a good idea.

"I heard that new sergeants are being sought."

"Yes, are you interested? I can get you the exam forms."

"No, but thanks."

They remain silent for a few seconds, staring at each other.

"Hailey, is there anything more specific you want to tell me about?"

"Okay, well, actually…I heard the name of Halstead was mentioned for the new sergeants. Do you know something?"

Voight stares at her, silently, until he nods, "Of course I do."

When he seems intent on saying no more, Hailey nods as she stands up. She is about to open the door when her sergeant's voice blocks her.

"Ivory Tower has noticed his work, Hailey. They made him a proposal that I, personally, find interesting. If he'll pass Sergeant exam, he'll have his own unit."

"Oh. That's great."

She can't really get excited, she tries though. But Voight sees through her, reads her so well it scares her sometimes.

"Hailey?" He calls her back, "He deserves this. We should all support this opportunity for him."

"Yes, true."

She sits back in her chair and can't help but let her gaze wander over Jay's tidy desk.

And, for the first time, she wonders if she's really willing to let him go.

She feels selfish - stupid, selfish and childish, honestly - but she can't really be happy. She's proud of him - oh, she really is - but that just means he'll abandon her, again.

And, again, she can't stop her heart from breaking one more time.


	2. Chapter 2

# Sometimes change is good Chapter 2, a chicago pd fanfic | FanFiction

Another month has passed and Jay's still assigned to Anti Gang.

Hailey's gradually getting used to his absence.

She has tried to fill his desk with files they have been trying to finish compiling for centuries. But the more she tries to get used to it, the more his absence seems to hit her unexpectedly.

She got used to not having him sitting next to her in the car. She got used to not making coffee for him. She got used to looking up and not finding his green eyes. She has even got used to not feeling his scent floating in the air and enveloping her.

It wasn't easy, but she made it. And with each passing day, the emptiness for the lack of him becomes less deep.

It's not like he's dead. He's alive - just without her.

And her life was moving on too.

She had her job and a really good relationship. So she doesn't know why, when she let her guard down, Jay's absence hit her hard.

Hailey stops the car in front of the crime scene where Voight had sent her and Kim.

It had been a quiet morning, they had walked around for some CI, some coffee and nothing more. She was really hoping to go home early, just to take a shower. This September heat seemed wasn't letting them breathe and she really couldn't wait to take off all her clothes.

But obviously Voight had decided to send them to the scene of a shooting, to see what had happened.

"Upton and Burgess, Intelligence. What do we have?" Hailey passes the red ribbon stopping the first agent who comes in front of her.

"Gang shooting. There's no need for Intelligence, so I've been told." He justifies by blocking their way, then continues, "Anti Gang arrived ten minutes ago. You can go."

The agent smiles apologizing, maybe fearing their reaction to this useless call.

Kim shrugs, probably too tired from the heat to argue and Hailey turns to follow her when she sees it.

Jay's truck, just parked across the street. She feels like centuries have passed, but she would recognize it anywhere.

And then, when she really hopes she's wrong, she sees him.

He's still handsome as she remembered him.

And no, she hasn't gotten over him at all.

She just needs to see him from a distance to almost be able to smell his aftershave.

She freezes in her steps and she knows she's not subtle at staring at him, but she can't help it. Despite the sunset, the light is still strong and she can almost see the freckles on his face. If she concentrates enough, she even remembers those on his lips. He has slightly longer hair than usual and that little bit of extra beard she remembers - he was obsessed with shaving so often.

It's still Jay and she knows that in a few months he hasn't changed at all. His look is serious, the one he always has when he goes to a crime scene and his step is sure. And god, he's so suited to in managing a unit it physically hurts her.

"Oh, you okay?" Kim hits her arm and suddenly she's back in the middle of the street.

"Yeah sorry, I ...I thought I saw a person who…" Hailey brushes her last words away with a nod of her head and starts walking again.

"It was Jay, right? I saw him coming, but I didn't know if you…"

Kim's words are lost in the wind, as does Hailey's attention.

She takes one last look behind her - a flash of his shoulders among the people - before getting in the car and leaving.

He hadn't seen her and maybe it's the best for both of them.

"He seems fit for that role."

Hailey nods slowly, her eyes fixed on the road, "Yeah, he really does."

"Hailey, why don't you talk to him? You're just hurting each other."

She denies, she always denies when it comes to Jay.

"There's nothing to talk about. Things went as they should."

"Do you know that since Voight assigned him to Anti Gang, he has asked Adam several times how you were?"

"What?" Her hands grip the steering wheel tighter as Kim's words find their way into her brain.

"Not as subtle as he thinks…" Kim sighs loudly.

They remain silent for a few seconds as Kim continues to look out the window.

"He gladly agreed to go to Anti Gang also because he was jealous, Hailey."

"What?" She repeats like a fool.

"Haven't you noticed it? It's impossible." Kim makes fun of her.

"He wasn't jealous. I'm telling you that."

She can't tell her about that night. She can't tell her that Jay rejected her. And she can't tell her Ethan is the sweetest thing that has happened to her in a long time.

Kim lets the conversation slip into silence, her expression away from her and her hands following the rhythm of the music on her thigh.

A few hours pass before Ethan reaches her home. Pizzas in one hand and beer in the other, the classic gentle smile on his lips.

She realizes she can't be a good company after swallowing the first bite of pizza. Her stomach's in a knot and the only thing she would like to do is sink into bed and wake up with far fewer thoughts.

Ethan says he understands her, he's had bad days at work and that after a good sleep she will definitely feel better.

And Hailey makes him believe it, because maybe she is the first not ready to admit the truth.

...

"That smells wonderful!"

Hailey slips her arms around Ethan, resting her head against his back.

"Good morning, babe." He turns in her arms leaving a quick kiss on her lips, "I'm making pancakes. Coffee?"

Ethan moves in his kitchen as Hailey sits wearily on the stool.

His place is still new to her. She much prefers to spend the night at hers, even for convenience. Ethan's place is further from both the district and court, so Hailey's place is the one they choose most often.

She moans at the sound of her phone ringing on the counter and she answers after taking a big sip of coffee.

"Upton."

" _Robbery with injured. Wrickwood Park, go to Wrickwood Ave corner Southport Ave. I'm calling the rest of the unit. When can you be there?_ "

It's never a good morning when Voight calls her to send her to a crime scene so hastily.

She glances quickly at the clock with her mind already busy at work, "10 minutes, Sarge."

She hasn't even finished speaking when Voight's grunt ends the call.

So much for a good day.

Ethan sees her pull on her boots, "Pancakes for the next time! Coffee is great!"

She's already opening the door when she sees him coming towards her grabbing his keys.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride. I'd still have to go to court anyway."

She is baffled, she never planned to take him to a crime scene, "You sure?"

"Yeah, sure. Here we go?" Ethan closes the door behind her, pointing to the car parked across the street.

The drive to the crime scene took even less than she had thought and she just closed the car door behind her turning to greet him when she sees a flash of his hair.

Suddenly her world slows down, she hears her heart roaring in her ears and her feet seem to have become concrete.

Just like a week ago, she could recognize his hair anywhere.

In the sunlight it glows with a color she has never really been able to describe.

It's brown, but has red highlights that shine in the sun and she, seriously, could recognize him anytime, anywhere.

But, unlike the week before, he's not taking over the crime scene. He's a part of the crime scene, covered in blood and sitting in the back of an ambo. Voight towers over him and Hailey sees him shake his head at something the Sergeant said, leaning back a little.

And then, suddenly, her world starts moving again.

"Jay!"

She doesn't even realize she's talking.

Her legs are moving without her really being aware of it and, before she can think, she has passed Voight just to stand in front of Jay.

"What the hell…? Have you been shot? What happened?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you hurt? All this blood... Are you hurt?"

Her hands slide over his shirt frantically looking for the source of all that blood.

"Hailey." He breathes slowly and then his hands close on hers stopping her, "The blood is not mine."

She looks up as her heart seems to slow down in her chest.

"It's not my blood, Hailey." He repeats it and finally it seems to break through the fog of her thoughts.

"Jay, tell me what happened." Voight's voice is calm but hasty. And Hailey is really amazed he didn't kick her out of the crime scene after the scene she made.

"I was late and I decided to come here, I know there are always few people. I was waiting for my coffee when the robber walked in. Tall - maybe like Kev - white, face covered but I saw a tattoo on his hand."

"Which?"

Jay shrugs, "A spider web, a dragon. I don't know…"

"Then?" Voight pursues him, glancing away a couple of agents.

"He wanted the cash. The cashier hid while the girl waiting for a coffee at the counter turned to run away. I don't know, he got upset and fired. Two shoots to the abdomen."

Jay's gaze is lost towards the shattered door of the bar, "When he saw me, he tried to shoot at me. Two shots. I shot him but he was already running away. I'm sure I hit him. A leg, I think."

Voight nods pointing to the drops of blood that were lost in the opposite direction to where they were.

"I couldn't save her, Sarge. She was losing too much blood and…I don't know. She died in my arms."

"Jay, it's not your fault." Voight leans towards him with a serious frown on his face, "Go to Med, okay?"

"No, I'm fine, really."

He denies with her head moving uncomfortably, "I…uhm, can I talk to her parents? She was seventeen, I have her ID cards."

"Jay." Voight weighs him in silence.

But Hailey, honestly, isn't at all surprised at his request. Knowing Jay, he will be blaming himself for her death, in his mind he'll be crossing all the possible scenarios in which things could go.

"I just need a shower. Please, Sarge."

Voight nods in defeat, his attention already on the detectives striding towards them.

"Sergeant Voight, good morning. We're Robbery-Homicide. We'll take the case."

"No. The Detective involved is Intelligence, the case is ours."

"The Detective is a witness."

"No, my detective was involved, he saw the suspect. This is our case."

For a second, Hailey feels torn back in time when she tried to take a case from Voight. She would only find out later that this was a losing game.

And now, with his detective formally involved, Voight would never let another unit handle the case.

"Were you going back to Intelligence?" Hailey whispers to him before the rest of intelligence joins them.

"Eh, I said I'd be gone for a while." He shrugs getting to his feet, "Not forever."

He gives her a fleeting smile, so fast she really has to figure out if she's just imagined it.

But then Intelligence is all around him and she knows it - Jay's back home.

...

Hailey peeks at Jay over their computers. He still has damp and strangely uncombed hair. He's scratching his hands nervously and she notices how they are still stained with blood. She can't help but remember how hard it was to get rid of any red sign after she dipped her hands in his blood from his wounded shoulder. She remembers little of that day - it's all shrouded in fog. But there's something she remembers well: his eyes wide open and his wheezing. And she swears, it's something she will never get over.

She can't say everything is normal - between them - they don't have that familiarity they had before everything went to hell. Yet seeing him sitting for the first time in a long time at his desk left her dazed for a few seconds.

"What have I missed in these weeks?"

"Months." She corrects him, "But whatever. I know you talked to Ruz."

Something like shame colors his cheeks and he looks away with a light smile, "I wanted to write to you. But I just thought that…"

"That the distance would have been the best thing for both of us."

Hailey doesn't need him to nod, it's the same thought she'd believed for months.

She won't tell him that, when she caught a glimpse of him at the scene of that robbery, she realized the distance hadn't changed anything. She will not tell him, there really isn't a need.

"Oh, so pleasing for the eyes, this scene!" Platt climbs the steps slowly.

The excitement of having Jay back on the team is something she can't hide, despite the vacant gaze she sets on them.

It's that smile - small and slow - that betrays her. And they know it.

"The parents of the murdered girl have arrived. Can I send them up?"

Jay pasts Platt with stiff shoulders. He's already on the first step when he replies, "I'll take care of it. Thanks Sarge."

"Aren't you running after him?" Platt challenges Hailey with hands on her hips.

Hailey joins him as soon as he's greeting them and, noticing how his jaw continues to contract rhythmically, she touches him before accompanying them all into the empty room next to the district entrance.

"I'm Detective Upton, this is Detective Halstead, Intelligence. We are so sorry for your loss." Hailey sits down waiting for some reaction from the two people in front of them.

Jay has come to a standstill behind her and Hailey must restrain herself from shivering. A rush of joy pervades every muscle of her. Despite the dramatic situation unfolding in front of her, Hailey would like to jump around.

"What…what happened? An officer told us that…and we…we recognized her body but…" David Miller squeezes the arm of his wife who doesn't seem to be able to talk.

"Jennifer ran into a robbery. There was nothing to do. And nothing she could do to save herself."

"But I don't understand. Sorry, it's just…I can't get over it."

"We know it. We are looking for the man who did this. He ran away but he's injured."

Hailey speaks slowly, letting her words be heard - and most importantly understood - by the Millers, who are looking at her the whole time as if she were an alien.

There's a heavy silence in the room, broken only by Mrs. Miller's sobs. Hailey takes a quick glance at Jay who has moved away from the window. He's still torturing his hands trying to hide them in the pockets - maybe to hide the traces of her blood.

"I was there when it happened. I saw everything."

His voice doesn't falter and she isn't really surprised.

Jay waits for the Millers to look at him before continuing.

"Jennifer was very brave. She…uhm…I waswith her the whole time. She wasn't alone."

"Did she suffer? Did she…did she realize what was happening?" Mrs. Miller sobs still looking for something in Jay's words that could ease her pain.

"She didn't suffer, no." Jay speaks slowly, as if he too is seeking the courage to speak, "She… talked about you. She said she hoped you would forgive her…that she knew you didn't want her to go to that bar…"

There's just something about Mrs. Miller's broken expression as she stands that makes Hailey's heart tremble. She's experiencing a pain so deep and settled in her soul and Hailey isn't sure she'll ever get over it.

The Millers slowly drag themselves away from the district, as if each movement cost them a titanic effort.

Hailey watches them hold each other in a wordless embrace for what may seem like an eternity. The world around them continues to move regardless of their pain, but their world stopped that morning.

Jay takes a deep breath before walking away. She was so happy for his return that not even for a moment did it occur to her what he must feel at the memory of a girl dying in his arms.

"Detective Upton, there's a visit for you." Platt stops her before she can reach Jay.

She turns to talk to the desk Sergeant when she sees Ethan staring at her. And it's only at that moment that she realizes that morning he had accompanied her to the scene of the robbery and that, without really knowing how, she had completely forgotten about him.

"Hailey. Can we talk?"

"Uhm, I'm actually a little busy…"

She can't help but notice how Jay walks up the stairs to Intelligence slowly, without actually seeing them. His mind is so far away from them that, seriously, she feels the physical need to follow him just to make sure he's okay.

"Upton, Voight wants you upstairs." Platt interrupts them again. Never as in that moment would she want to thank her for her timing.

"Yeah, I'm going. Ethan, sorry...I'm in the middle of a case and…I'll call you later, okay?" She waves in his direction with a quick smile and, the next moment, she's already unlocking the Intelligence gate.

She can't stop thinking about what's happening to her because, if she did, she'd have to wonder how it was possible to have forgotten Ethan that morning.

She had seen Jay covered in blood and everything else was just gone. And that's what scares her.

If she were to ask herself the real reason why this happened to her, she would give an answer that, she knows, would create so many problems and she's not really ready to face them.

When she finally has time to pour a cup of coffee, she realizes how busy the day has been that she doesn't give herself a chance to think.

They had identified Patrick Cox - the man responsible for the robbery and murder of Jennifer Miller - from the video shooting of the bar. The man, not so smart, was already wanted for other robberies.

Finding him was easier than they really hoped, and in the late afternoon, they broke into his home. They found him in the closet of his house with a still bleeding wound on his side.

Hailey had the honor of handcuffing him while Kevin was responsible for telling him the charges - robbery and willful murder. He killed a girl for a few hundred dollars, he killed a girl for a small amount of money.

And Cox's terrified gaze had failed to stir an inch of pity in Hailey's heart. The desperation of Jennifer's parents is something that flashes before her eyes even hours later.

She parks her car and closes her eyes just for a second.

The weight of the day crashes into her in waves and all she can imagine doing tonight is a long shower and immediately crawling into bed.

But her fate must have other plans for her because, closing the door behind her, she notices her entrance occupied by Ethan. He's waiting for her leaning against the door and Hailey feels her heart sink a little.

She never thought about him all day long and, the few times the thought of him got into her head, she had violently chased it away.

She can't really think of having to deal with him, she's mentally exhausted and the look she had read on Ethan's face that day at the district didn't promise anything good.

"Hey. Sorry but I had a day from hell." She greets him with a smile.

Hailey opens the door for them to enter and immediately kicks the boots into a corner.

"Are you hungry?" She puts a frozen pizza in the oven and she continues to bustle in the kitchen wearily.

"Hailey. We should talk." Ethan rests his hands against the table, "Please."

She hesitates, sighing internally, "Uhm…okay."

"I think…maybe, we should finish things here."

Okay, maybe she should have waited for it. But, honestly, his words hit her suddenly. She hadn't seen it coming. She knew there was something wrong, but she wasn't really going to end things with him.

She blinks a few times, unable to find words.

"Come on, don't tell me you're surprised. Let's not pretend anymore." Ethan smiles, that kind smile he always has, but veiled in something she might call regret.

"I should have known since the night I met your unit, you know? But…I preferred to close my eyes, pretend not to see anything. Yeah, it's never the best choice." Ethan laughs bitterly running his hands through his hair.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that…" He sighs, "I think you lie to yourself too."

"I…I had a hellish day, I told you. It's not the first time."

She is annoyed and she hides it behind an impassive facade.

"But it's the first time I've seen you freaking out because what I thought was just an old partner of yours was involved in a shooting."

His words make her stop and she can't stop her mouth from opening wide. She's completely stunned in front of him, her blue eyes mirroring in his hazelnut and maybe, for the first time, she sees things clearly.

She sees Ethan standing, alone, away from the shooting scene. She sees herself completely forgetting about the rest of the world, focused only on Jay covered in blood.

They remain silent staring at each other. His gaze is resigned and she realizes he's letting her go. She understands how true his words about her are, she just didn't imagine they would be so harsh.

"Hailey" Ethan approaches her placing his hands on her shoulders, "You are a good person and I just want you to be happy."

The smile that accompanies his words does nothing to soothe the sadness in her stomach.

"I think this wasn't the right time for us. Maybe in another time…"

Ethan walks away and picks up his jacket approaching the door. He turns to her before walking out of her smiling again. "Whatever is keeping you from being happy, just face it. You really deserve happiness."

Hailey stands in the middle of her kitchen for what seems like an eternity. The light casts a shadow on the table and she can't help but stare at.

Ethan left her to be free. She didn't think freedom could have such a bitter aftertaste.

She hates that her first instinct is to write to Jay. Just to drink a beer and let the night slip off her with his calming presence. She closes her eyes driving away the need to write him.

When she finally manages to move her legs, she wearily crawls to bed and there she undresses with slow movements.

The weight of the day crashes on her so violently letting her almost dazed. Before even realizing it, she has already fallen asleep.

...

It takes her a few days to realize that, really, Ethan has made the only decision that really makes sense for both of them.

When she asked Voight if she could work with Kim again, like the previous months, she thought she would regret it. But now, after a week of changes, she isn't really that sorry.

Sure, she loved having Jay as a partner, but sometimes he was just too much - his eyes, her feelings for him. Sometimes it was all so intense and she didn't know how to handle it. She felt like she was choking and breathing so well at the same time. It was something she couldn't explain, something so huge that - she doesn't know - it's just Jay being all around her.

Jay's back in Intelligence, so it's not like he didn't sit in front of her.

But she simply realizes how having him there but not having him as a partner helps her to slow all the tide of feelings she has towards him down.

She has spent most nights thinking of writing to him. Finally having the opportunity to talk and say everything from which they had fled the previous months. But then, with the call almost on, she always realized the mistake she would have made.

She couldn't talk to Jay just because a man convinced her she deserved to be happy.

She has always been a patient person, she grew up believing that sooner or later something positive, from the childhood she was experiencing, would come. So waiting a little longer, just to shed some light on what's going on inside her, shouldn't be the end of the world, right?

She watched Jay struggle for days with the memory of what happened that morning, with that girl's death. She could see him defeated as he was hunched over his desk. And in those moments she had the only desire to reach him and hug him.

"Coffee?" The subject of her thoughts taps his fingers on her desk to attract her attention.

She follows him with that strange habit that had characterized their years of partnership.

She has just closed her eyes enjoying the taste of the coffee, the noises of their colleagues in the bullpen come muffled and she feels like she's living in a small bubble.

"I ... I have to apologize."

She blinks focusing on Jay as he stands next to her. He's leaning against the counter and absently swirls the coffee in the cup.

After a few seconds of silence, he continues, "I didn't push hard enough to explain to you and…I don't know, I saw Voight's reassignment as a sign - that this had to be the way it was."

"Was Ethan involved?"

Her words escape her before she even realizes it.

Jay looks at her with a slight smile on his lips, then looks away from her looking out the window.

"I loved running a unit."

"It wasn't Intelligence…"

"No, but it wasn't bad."

"So you're leaving?"

She's not sure she wants to hear his answer and she can't stop her heart from beating a little faster.

"I have the exam next week."

"It'll be fine. You deserve this." She squeezes his arm in a gentle grip as every fiber of her screams that no, she can't stand him leaving.

"Yeah, no. I don't know. But I guess it's just life, right? How it should go - the changes, I mean."

"It'll be a positive change. Sergeant Halstead, woah."

Hailey laughs shaking her head. She doesn't want him to leave but if anyone deserves that place, it's definitely him.

Hailey laughs shaking her head.

She really doesn't want him to leave but if anyone deserves that promotion, it's completely him. And she feels so torn about her feelings about him. She can't even imagine having to work forever without him, and at the same time the idea of him not being her partner anymore opens up a number of possibilities for the two of them and those feelings that she knows, she will not be able to silence anymore. She would like to say she still feels rejected, like that night a few months ago, and maybe it would be easier to get over him. But then she sees him staring at her - when she really isn't expecting it - and his gaze is sweet and soft and she remembers why she had wanted to kiss him so badly.

"Hailey." It's just a breath, one that she's so used to hearing, "We never talked about it…"

"No, I…really, we don't have to talk about it." She shakes her head away from him.

"It's just me, Hailey. Please." Jay looks at her and suddenly she knows it. She'll never get over all the feelings she has for him.

"Listen Jay, it's fine. It's been a long time."

"No, that's not fine! I…I wanted to…but you were drunk and I couldn't do it. But then, I gave up and…we let things go wrong and…" He shakes his head a couple of times looking so stoic, but then he looks at her and her world slows down.

"I crossed some lines that night. I shouldn't have done what I did…" Hailey tries to hide behind her lie.

She absolutely wanted to do what she had done, but she blames the alcohol for giving her the bravery she normally wouldn't have.

Jay looks at her and, not for the first time, feels like he can read through her.

"It went against everything we said about partner relationships, but I wanted to kiss you so badly, Hailey. And then…I felt like I was taking advantage of you and, you know, that's not something I could do." Jay shrugs.

His green eyes seem clearer in the dim light that hits them and for the first time in a long time, Hailey feels the storm around her lose intensity.

She lets her hand slide along the counter, touching his. She wants to give up and walk away, but it's just Jay, the man who knows her so well - she tells herself. When their fingers intertwine, she's sure to mirror his embarrassed expression.

She feels almost like a teenager, with her heart beating madly in her chest.

"Jay…" She starts.

"Hailey, we have to go out! Jay, Voight is sending you home to study!" Kim's head pokes through the door and they suddenly split up.

Jay mumbles something unclear as he passes them and disappears into Voight's office and Hailey is left alone with Kim's conscious gaze piercing her head.

But strangely she doesn't feel in trouble, there's this strange calm that hovers over her.

She puts on her jacket as Jay exits Voight's office.

"Let's talk later, okay?" She asks him.

Jay nods and a slow smile pops on his lips and she runs after Kim only to be tempted to go home with Jay and forget the work to do.

She happily accepts that Kim is driving and they run in the pouring rain to lock themselves in the car. They make their way through Chicago's busy streets chatting about something light.

She's not surprised Kim doesn't ask anything she saw just before her, she'll ask her sooner or later - but Hailey knows Kim is just a patient person.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket and when she sees that Jay has sent her a message, she feels the excitement coursing through her veins.

' _Under Voight's orders, going home to study for the next few hours. When you are done, feel free to join me._ '

She rereads it over and over, unable to formulate an answer that really makes sense. This chance - the chance he's giving them - leaves her almost incredulous.

She writes and erases over and over, her mind suddenly blank.

' _Seems like a good plan._ '

A few seconds pass before her phone vibrates again. This time she can't stop her heart from beating a little faster.

' _Hailey? Maybe next time don't be drunk…_ '

She covers her smile behind the cascade of hair and turns to the window hiding from Kim's gaze. Her eyes slips between people on the street without really seeing them.

Maybe she'll be happy.


	3. Chapter 3

# Sometimes change is good Chapter 3, a chicago pd fanfic | FanFiction

2 months later -

' _Tonight. You, me and a pizza. I won't take no for an answer._ '

Hailey smiles as she reads the message on her phone.

' _Sounds like a good plan._ '

' _I'll add ice cream too._ '

' _Eh, this is the moment I remember why I date you._ '

' _Ugh, thought it was my handsome face. Have to work, talk soon._ '

She snorts in amusement, really unable to hold back her smile. Hailey looks up from the papers scattered on her desk watching her friends work. She still feels so strange about her new position. Seeing the bullpen from this point of view is so…interesting. She had always had the rest of the unit behind her and all she could do, when she didn't want to turn around, was listen carefully to their movements. Now she could look at them all, one by one, whenever she wants.

She almost gave her a sense of power that, seriously, amused her a lot.

"Did you just check the room?", Kim laughs in front of her, now she's used to her gaze lost among them.

"Yeah, it's still weird."

She lets her words slip into silence, looking down at the desk. She left the same order as Jay. The computer tilted slightly to the right and the document holder that occupies the left side of the desk.

She looks at the two fully-filled cups of pens Jay had given her and she can't help but giggle silently.

She really never imagined it would be time for her to stop stealing pens from his desk. And that was just because his desk had become hers.

Jay had been transferred to Robbery Homicide Jay had been transferred to Robbery Homicide a month earlier when he'd been promoted to Sergeant with four others.

She wasn't really surprised he was able to pass the exam right away - he was one of the best and most competent cops she knew. And he totally deserved the promotion.

She missed him, yeah. She kept looking for him everywhere in the district. She expected to see him pop out of the locker room, she expected to hear his cup slip up to her desk. She was waiting to hear his laugh at something Kevin or Adam said.

She was totally proud of him, completely enthusiastic remembering his satisfied sigh after discovering he passed the exam.

He kept telling her it wasn't a big deal, but she could read through him so well that she was amazed that she still couldn't read his thoughts.

She slides her hands along the surface of the desk recognizing the marks on the wood Jay had left over the years.

Now Kim occupies her old desk and her place has been taken by the latest Intelligence arrival, agent Sophie Collins.

The balance had been restored when Voight chose another agent to join them and just a week ago when Eric Bennet had started his partnership with Adam.

Hailey had been happily amazed that Voight had let her and Kim work together. She's still getting used to the constant bubbling presence of her, but she's not willing to give up on her that easily. They don't always agree on everything, but it's not as if she and Jay were always on the same page at the beginning of their partnership.

And as for Jay…well, they were just taking things slowly.

He liked to remind her the times they went out for dinner had been dates. And, in all honesty, she loved hearing him say it.

Now they saw each other less, with the different and crazy hours they had had in recent weeks. But when they managed to carve out an evening just for them, it was absolutely amazing.

They could snatch a few quick lunch breaks, but only those rare times Hailey managed to escape the control of her friends.

It wasn't like they didn't want to tell them about the two of them, it was just…it wasn't clear what they were doing. And taking it slow seemed like the best idea for both. They wanted to be just the two of them, without giving explanations, free to be what they wanted.

Jay had kept hanging out with them at Molly's when his sergeant schedule allowed - and when it wasn't just the two of them, of course. And in front of the rest of Intelligence, it was always Jay and Hailey - who they were before things went to hell.

But — and here Hailey always felt her heart beat faster — dating Jay was absolutely thrilling. She couldn't stop wondering what kind of man he was and how he could really have chosen her.

She watched him breathe next to her on the couch in the night, his gaze calm, and felt her chest swell with something that, honestly, she wasn't ashamed to call love.

"We have our suspect. A patrol saw him in Seward Park." Kevin blurts out, closing a call.

Hailey grabs the keys and is already running towards the garage as she puts on her jacket. Kim's footsteps echo beside her as Adam's car is already disappearing around the corner of the district.

The journey to the site of the last sighting is really quick and before she knows it, Hailey is already running out of her car and into the park.

The place is really full of people and she's running among people when Kevin finally points out the man they have been trying to arrest for two days. He walks looking around cautiously with a backpack hanging from one shoulder.

" _50-21 Henry. Suspect on the east side of Seward Park._ "

Hailey looks around her noting the only one next to her is Kevin, while the rest of the unit is on the opposite side of the park. The two of them are slowly approaching their suspect when they see him look over his shoulder and start running in the opposite direction.

She gives Kev a quick nod before taking off behind him.

Her footsteps beat rhythmically on the ground while the cold air lashes her face. She hears Kevin's breath behind her until she jumps through the gate of a small courtyard and sees the shadow of her suspect turning into an alley.

Her radio is silent and she assumes Kevin will be a short distance from her position. The alley looks empty but the bins partially hide it. She walks slowly, gun raised and breathing irregular.

She knows he's there, hiding somewhere - she just doesn't know where. And that pisses her off.

She pricks up her ears hoping to hear Kevin's footsteps, but all she hears is a blow to her back and the ground under her hands.

She doesn't know how, but her gun is a few steps away and their suspect is lying on top of her. He pinches her arm over her head as she tries to hit him blindly. She uses her legs to push him away but Hailey is physically lower - and she knows it.

A fist connects to her face and she instantly tastes the blood explode in her mouth. She registers nothing but the need to get rid from his grip.

She manages to give him a kick that pushes him away and finally she pulls herself to her gun. Hailey sees him a few steps from her outstretched hand - she can do it, just an inch. She pushes herself again, she's really believing it.

But then a hand clenches on her ankle and she suddenly is dragged backwards. The man pulls her to her feet and bangs her head against the brick wall.

The pain explodes on her forehead and she grunts with her eyes closed.

The world explodes before her eyes and everything suddenly turns white and then black. She blinks several times as she moves between his attacker's hands, but the images in front of her are indistinct and the colors too strong to focus.

She tries to resist but it's all too confused to give some sure punches. She puts her hands against the wall, trying at least to prepare for another hit, when a shot rings out in the air and whatever force was holding her up disappears.

Hailey curls up on the ground and blinks her eyes a few times trying to focus on her surroundings. She feels her blood running down her face and suddenly Kevin's worried eyes enter her field of vision.

"Hailey. Hailey, stay awake! _50-21 David. 10-01 10-01 Officer down, send an ambo to this position. I repeat, officer down._ "

Kevin's hands run over her shoulders, then across her forehead and brush her hair away from her face.

"'M fine…" She mutters in a thick voice, the taste of blood in her mouth, "…got him?"

"Already handcuffed. Don't worry about him. Just hold on, yeah? Hold on."

She sees him hovering over her, his worried hands touching her wounded skin.

The last thing she hears is her name repeated over and over and over.

Then the pain finally subsides and she falls into the dark.

...

"Halstead."

" _Hey man. Am I bothering you?_ "

His mind is so focused on the documents in front of him that he can hardly hear Will's voice.

"Tell me."

" _No, I mean. Are you busy?_ "

"Will, what do you want?" He snorts as he finally looks up from the stack of papers in front of him.

" _Listen, maybe you would like to come to Med._ "

"Do you have something for my case?"

His words are followed by a moment of silence and Will's uncertain breathing on the other side of the line make him suspicious.

He's about to ask what the hell is wrong with him when he hears his voice waver.

" _It's Hailey. She's hurt…_ "

"What?" He snaps, pulling himself straighter in his chair.

" _She'll be fine, Jay. I just thought you wanted to know…_ "

"On my way."

He hears Will's voice mutter something more, but he's too busy putting on his jacket. He mumbles something which, he later realizes, is probably incomprehensible to the agents of his unit before rushing to the street and getting into the car.

He tells himself that no, not being Hailey's partner is something he will never really get used to. Of course, he can't be sure that having her with him saves her from any injury, but she would be with him - and he could always have her back.

No, he completely hates not being her partner. Not a day goes by without him missing her.

He loves dating her outside of work - just the two of them and no complications related to the following cases or to the unit. But somehow, Hailey will always be his partner, this will never change.

He quickly passes the ER doors and rushes towards Kevin, sitting stiffly in a chair in the corner.

"Kev! What happened?" He must refrain from screaming.

The idea of Hailey in a hospital bed is so terrifying to him and he has to remove it from his mind to be able to breathe.

"Oh, hey man. Will said she'll be fine. I think she has a head injury, I don't really know. I…I'm sorry, she was just so full of blood…" Kevin mumbles the last words without really meeting his gaze

"But what happened?"

"She chased a suspect, I lost them but she didn't wait for me. He was bigger than her, and…"

Jay runs his hands through his hair staring at Kevin.

"I'm sorry, Jay…I didn't know she called you, I would have done it."

"No, I…Will called me." He mumbles with a tense smile.

He would like to be annoyed, maybe even angry, with him. He should have had his back. But he knows Hailey and he knows how stubborn she is. If she decides to do something, she doesn't let the lack of backup stop her - she's more likely to continue to believe Kevin would pop out any moment to cover her.

"The rest of the unit will arrive shortly…"

"Yeah, no. I just need to see her, you know…"

Kevin squeezes his shoulder with a gentle expression. And Jay realizes he doesn't really need to say what he's feeling. He would like to be more stoic, but Hailey...

"Sergeant Halstead. It's a pleasure, I…I've heard about you." A small woman - who looks even smaller next to Kevin - holds out her hand to him but he has to squint a few times before focusing on her. He was so focused on Kevin he didn't really notice her.

He shakes her hand and is struck by the woman's sure grip. So opposite to her gaze, shy an…in awe, maybe?

"Officer Sophie Collins. I recently joined Intelligence."

"Sure, Collins. I've heard about you." He shrugs his shoulders smiling slightly.

Hailey had spent an entire evening telling him about the two new officers who had joined the unit and he really felt like he knew them even though he had never seen them.

The woman blushes violently and he must refrain from laughing. She is so young and…funny. Were they too? Jay doesn't even remember it anymore.

He sees Will coming towards them just as the rest of the Intelligence enters the ER. But he doesn't really focus on them.

"Hailey is fine." The red-haired doctor begins, patting his brother on the shoulder, "She has a mild head injury but she's pretty dazed by the painkillers I had given her."

They listen him in silence and Jay feels relief sliding over him like a wave.

"Jay, I'll take you to her if you want. She asked about you."

Will's tone is deliberately teasing and, gosh, Jay hates him. He never misses an opportunity to make fun of him.

Jay gives him a deadly look before shoving him.

He'll make him pay for all of this, if it's the last thing he does.

...

Hailey pulls Kevin's hoodie against her chest. It's really too big for her, but it's the most comfortable thing she had at the time so, seriously, she didn't really care about it. Those were the only clothes they found in Kevin's car, considering her Jeep had been left with Kim after her trip to Med.

The noises of the ER are deafening, while the soft lights manage not to trigger any kind of nausea in her.

She hates hospitals and, above all, she hates being stuck in a hospital bed.

She remains seated for what seems like an eternity to her. Will has disappeared leaving her in the solitude she had wanted since she got to the ER.

Her head's killing her despite the painkillers he gave her and she wants just to get into bed and sleep for the next twenty-four hours. She watches her feet dangle in the void, absently scratching the IV needle on her forearm.

"Hailey."

It's just a breath but she knows it so well.

She looks up and sees Jay shape against her room door. He has a red face and unkempt hair and he has never looked so adorable.

"Ugh, I told Will not to bother you."

"Hailey." He repeats and this time he seems almost desperate.

He slowly approaches her and Hailey has to blink her eyes a few times to really focus on him. She hadn't really realized she was so dazed.

"Hey, I'm fine." She reaches out and smiles as much as her broken lip allows.

"Yeah, no. I wouldn't say you're fine, but I accept your answer." He shakes his head as his gaze slides over her wounds.

Jay stays away from her while she doesn't want to do anything but reassure him she's fine - that she'll be fine at least.

"Jay." She crawls on the bed approaching him and her hand touching his arm seems to awaken him from whatever world he had fallen into.

He reaches her in one step and what Hailey knows after is she being pressed against him as his hands run through her loose hair on her back.

She feels small and totally comfortable with him, with her arms wrapped around his torso and her face pressed against his chest. She closes her eyes to the feeling of him all around her and realizes that, despite everything, there's really no other place she would like to be.

"You should be at work." She mumbles into his hoodie.

"Oh, c'mon. I'm exactly where I need to be." She hears an indignant note in his voice, then he continues, "I know you just wanted to hear me say it, you little devil."

Hailey stifles a laugh in his hoodie and wraps her arms tighter around his torso.

Right then, she might just close her eyes and sleep, just a little bit, against Jay - she really wants to.

Jay slowly walks away and pushes her chin gently to make her face up. His fingers brush the strip of dots at the hairline on her forehead, then go down her eyebrow to her lip and under his gaze Hailey shivers. He's scared but, at the same time, there is that calm in his eyes, that calm in him that she loved from the first moment.

"This is something that can't happen anymore."

He touches her lips with a soft kiss.

She chuckles, "Yeah, now you get how it is on the other side."

"Hailey. I'm serious." Jay shakes his head away from her with a stern look.

"I know, but I'm fine. Just a little sore. Your brother gave me something to calm down the pain."

Hailey lets her arms slide along his hips, until she slips her hands into the back pockets of his jeans and then pulls him towards her.

He looks at her for a few seconds - his green eyes serious and worried about her - then he sighs slowly and smiles at her in resignation.

"I saw Kevin outside. He might have figured something out…"

"Yeah, that's fine. We can tell them. It's not as if we could keep it hidden for much longer."

Hailey shrugs indifferently. She hadn't really thought about how to tell their friends yet, she liked the idea of keeping this relationship just for them for some time. But honestly, she thought they would be happy, so, here…why not tell them?

"Where does it hurt?" He smiles again, bringing his face close to hers, then puts his lips on the broken skin of her forehead, "Here?"

His lips slide over her brow, "Hurt here?"

Then they're on her nose and he leaves a light kiss. Hailey closes her eyes at the feel of his warm lips against her wounded skin.

"Hurt here?" He slides down her cheek leaving a kiss on her jaw.

"Here, here you definitely hurt." He brushes her lips a couple of times gently.

Then Jay finally kisses her deeply and Hailey happily hums happily against him. Her head still hurts but his presence seems to relieve that throbbing pain.

His lips are warm and soft and she's not sure she can do without it anymore - no, she's completely sure she's addicted to him. It's just a kiss, but there's something in the desperate and soft way he's kissing her that makes her tremble against him.

"Eh, I didn't think this was the hospital treatment."

Adam's amused voice makes them detach quickly. They turn at the same time to see the rest of the Intelligence stare at them with different degrees of amusement in their eyes.

Okay, that was definitely not the way they thought to say it, but Hailey really doesn't care anymore.

She slips a hand into his hoodie pocket preventing him from walking away.

"Yeah, it's not like we wanted to hide it from you, but it just happened and…we took it slow, so it's not really a big deal."

She has always enjoyed seeing Jay uncomfortable and this time it's no exception.

"How long has this been going on?" Kim crosses her arms and stares directly at Hailey.

"Uhm, a few months…" She glances quickly at Jay, before her attention is drawn to Kevin who raises a fist to the sky.

"I knew it! Pay me, idiots!"

"What?" The two of them ask in unison.

"Eh, just a bet with Platt. I said you were going to get together after the promotion. I'm a fucking genius." Kevin shrugs with a mischievous smile on his lips as Adam reluctantly slams a bill into his open palm.

"How are you?" Kim asks her as she hands Jay the bag with a change of clothes for Hailey.

She shrugs impassively, "I'm fine. A little sore, but fine. Did you get Carrell?"

"Yeah" Kevin laughs, "Arrested and now to the district. Bennett is questioning him with Voight right now."

"Well well well, my favorite Detective." Will makes his way between them dropping a pile of documents on the bed, "I love you but I absolutely want to get rid of you because, between us, your company is not the best."

The doctor points to Jay behind him.

"Hey, I heard that." He grumbles.

"Yes, I wanted you to hear me." Will smiles brightly.

Jay mumbles something incomprehensible as Hailey pulls him a little towards herself.

"Does this mean I can go home?" The note of hope in her voice makes everyone present laugh.

"Yup. You know how it works, for the next eight hours you don't have to sleep for more than an hour straight. But I'm sure you won't have these problems."

Will smiles at her again, mischievous, and she can't help but feel her cheeks burn.

"Okay, always glad to see you, man. But I'm sure you have to go do one of your medical spells and save some life, bye."

Jay pushes everyone out of the room and gets Adam an angry grunt.

"You taking me home?" Hailey jumps out of bed with an ecstatic expression. She doesn't have time to close her hoodie because the world suddenly starts spinning.

"Easy there, tiger."

Jay grabs her by placing her in the wheelchair and she sighs in satisfaction at the sensation.

...

"Okay, this is definitely not how I thought our night would go." Jay says grabbing another piece of pizza.

"But there is pizza and ice cream. And your handsome face too."

"Uh, this is sweet."

Jay mocks Hailey by pinching her cheek between his fingers before she can react.

"Headache makes me sweet."

Hailey crawls onto the couch, leaning her weight against him. Jay puts his arm behind her and she hums her glee with her eyes closed.

Jay is calm and soft and she's so happy with his presence that she doesn't really know how to express it. Jay isn't perfect - neither is she. Yet they found this little bubble of perfection where only the two of them exist. And she's not really sure she can ever give up on him again.

"Get some sleep, okay? I'll wake you up in a while."

"I'm not sleepy." She mumbles with her mouth thick with sleep.

His chest lifts as he laughs and she closes her eyes again absorbing the sensation of his warm body beneath her - no, she's sure she can't give up on him anymore.

They remain silent with the light of the TV in the background. It was late at night when Jay woke her up for the umpteenth time, her head injury was now under control and she was even able to eat something.

They had turned off all the lights, leaving only the dim one of the TV on, and ate a now cold pizza, but she honestly loved every moment of it.

Jay is calm beneath her and his breath crashes against the crown of her hair.

"It was nice to have you there today. I didn't want to bother you though."

"Hailey." He sighs, "There are more important things than work."

She nods slowly, without looking at him. Her gaze is fixed on the TV and her head is wedged against his neck.

"Just to take things slow." She provokes him after a few seconds.

"We can take things as slow as you want, but you still remain the most important thing."

Jay was so many things. Courageous, proud, solid and loyal, but open about his feelings? Rarely. And maybe Hailey would never get used to that.

Hearing him recognize what is between them, hearing him say she's important to him is something that makes her heart beat faster.

"You too." It's just a whisper. But when his grip tightens a little bit more against her body, she's sure he has heard her.

"Jay?" She waits a few seconds then she continues, "I'm glad our friends know about us."

"Yeah, me too." He leaves a quick kiss in her hair and then he begins to absentmindedly leave slow caresses on her back.

"Uhm, Jay?" Hailey lifts her head looking for his eyes in the dim light.

He chuckles as he meets her gaze, "Tell me."

"Thank you…for being you."

She's sure that if there was enough light she could see his cheeks turn red. But she's satisfied with the embarrassed smile that opens on his lips.

"You're welcome?"

He's uncomfortable and it's always so funny to see him in that weird version of himself.

Hailey grabs onto his shoulder to slide higher to be able to kiss him.

And when his lips rest against hers, she swears this is her favorite place in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end of this short journey. It's always so nice to share it with all of you :) You are amazing!
> 
> In these first days of the new year, I want to wish you all the best - hoping 2021 bring the best to us all and hoping we have left the battles of 2020 behind us.
> 
> H.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> This fic won't be very long, just 3 chapters, I think. But, well, they will be quite full chapters :)
> 
> I'll be concise and just say that I really feel the need to thank that pure one-cpd soul (you can find her on FFnet). Not everyone would have the same patience as her in correcting my mistakes and supporting me in my life crises.
> 
> Thanks also to all those who continue to follow me - it means so much to me.
> 
> H.


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